


Good Night Story

by atheandra



Series: Crazy Wor(l)d-s [5]
Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Avengers Family, BAMF Darcy Lewis, Bad Parenting, Crazy, F/M, Father-Daughter Relationship, Fluff and Crack, Rated for Deadpool's Language, SHIP DARCY WITH ALL THE THINGS, so much crack and crazy, well in the general sense because they are good parents just not conventional
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-20
Updated: 2016-05-20
Packaged: 2018-06-09 16:04:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6913933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/atheandra/pseuds/atheandra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Darcy and Wade share their meet cute story with their daughter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Good Night Story

**Author's Note:**

> Yep I went there...

**Good Night Story.**

“No Mom!” The little girl cried out. “It’s Dad’s turn.”

“I know that, but you said you wanted the story of how we met and we agreed Dad wouldn’t be allowed to tell it to you until you’re older.” Darcy told her.

“But I am older.” Okay seriously who could argue with a 6 years old logic? She was actually older than she was the previous week she was right about that.

“Let me tell the story.” He pleaded from behind Darcy and she sighed nodding so he would join them on the bed.

“The redacted version.” She threatened him with a glare.  

“Once upon a time…” He started looking happily at his little girl like he always did a little light of happiness dancing in his deep blue eyes. “Your mommy was dating a douchebag…”

“Wade!” Darcy cried out.

“What? It’s the truth.” Wade told her and she rolled her eyes at him, it wasn’t the first swear word she heard and knowing Wade it wouldn’t be the last. Darcy shrugged and Wade continued with his story. “So douchebag stood her up once more and on her way home to Uncle Tony’s house a group of as… Very bad people tried to take her away but she managed to take them all out with her Taser…”

Darcy coughed a little and Wade rolled his eyes. “Her Stark-Improved-Taser. Daddy was really impressed by that fine piece of as… by that gorgeous young lady and decided to do what every sensible man would do, he stalked her.”

Darcy couldn’t help but laugh hoping they would find a way for Logan, because yep Darcy hadn’t managed for their daughter not to be named after Wolverine she still didn’t know if it was meant to mock him or honor him though and she really didn’t want to ask, to not believe that her dad was a normal person.

“So Daddy stalked Mommy like a creeper for weeks until one day someone attempted to kidnap her again…” That was why Logan wasn’t allowed Daddy’s version of the story until she was older, Darcy didn’t have the energy to deal with her nightmare that night. “Finally it was the opportunity he was waiting for, he would assist her she would be eternally grateful and offer to have amazing monkey sex with him.”

“Why the monkeys?” Logan asked.

“Just let Daddy tell the story baby, I’ll tell you all about the monkeys in about 10 to 20 years.” Darcy told her.

“So Daddy decided to graciously help the lusty woman but she didn’t let him, kicking him really hard in the nuts and then leaving the place. So once again Daddy was back to stalking but this time was worse because Daddy knew uncle Clint and the man didn’t seem to appreciate all the efforts Daddy was putting into getting your Mom to bed. So he might have shot me once or twice…” Darcy coughed again because if he wanted to tell the real story he better told her the truth.

“Fine Clint shot arrows into me 10 times before he decided that he had never seen me put this much effort into anyone so he helped me. Found me and Auntie Tasha more bad people to kill but the Avengers are weird people they refused for me to offer your mom the dead people bodies as a courtship present, yep even uncle Thor told me it was gross and Uncle Steve tried to put me in prison.” Wade continued.

“But…” Darcy reminded him when he got lost in his thoughts.

“Oh yeah but Mommy had seen my ass in my red spandex suit and she totally wanted a piece of it so she saved me from having to escape by cutting an arm or two mine or others I don’t discriminate when it’s about getting out of jail.” He kept going and of course Logan was laughing she was his daughter after all.

“She totally told them that he was a hero that saved a wonderful body from being murdered a few weeks back and they let Daddy go.” Wade said and Darcy growled.

“So not how I remember it.” Darcy said.

“She is way too young to hear about feminism and all that crap you told Clint about me acting like a cave man, you’re going to traumatize her.” And no the worst part wasn’t what he had said, it wasn’t the first time she heard that, the worst part was that he had covered Logan’s ears to say it because he strongly believed they should never disagree in front of her.

“You’re going to regret this tonight.” She told him but he just smirked at her.

“I’ll up the bar to 5 and you’ll forgive me?” He asked grinning he knew he had her, 7 years, and she still didn’t know how to say know when he tried to bargain sexual favors for her forgiveness.

“6 and they better be good.” She whispered taking Wade’s hands off their daughter’s ears.

“So Mommy still wasn’t talking to me, because she had some principle about dirty superheroes, and I apparently needed to take a shower, to which auntie Jane seemed to agree since she wouldn’t let me enter her lab.” Wade kept going. “All freshly showered, and smelling a little too much like roses and daffodils, maybe I shouldn’t have stolen Aunt Pepper’s soap, Daddy went back to find your Mom in that giant penis tower. Turns out Mommy was waiting for me in the kitchen she had cooked me brownies, they were normal, pecan brownies but they were still really good.”

“And then I told him ‘Cookie for your thoughts?’” Darcy sighed because that day she had been working with Jane and Tony on a new wormhole and she hadn’t slept in at least 30 hours, she was pretty sure she had made cookies even though she would never admit it to him.

“I totally asked her ‘Can I put my fingers in the cookie jar?’” and at least that one Logan was too young to understand but Sam and Pietro would had been in the kitchen as well that day were not and she had never heard them laugh this hard ever again.

To this day Darcy was still pretty sure that her following reaction was purely based on the fact that they believed the pick-up line wouldn’t work on Darcy and she didn’t want them to win, it still goes against her instinct. She just grabbed Wade and kissed him climbing on his laps for maximum effect listening to their audience fake gag when they left the room.

“So after Mommy assaulted Daddy with her tongue and general hotness it was love at first saliva exchange.” Wade finished.

“And you were soulmates.” Logan said sleepily.

“And we are soulmates.” Wade told her looking at Darcy with so much love in his eyes that she never thought she would be able to not blush at it.

“Go get grown-ups somewhere else.” Logan complained pushing them out of her bed. Darcy waited until her door was closed to smack Wade on the back of the head.

“She is too much like you.” Darcy accused him off.

“Well yesterday she grounded Hulk for stealing her crayon so I think she is too much like you too my dear.” Wade told her scoping her up to bring her up to their bedroom. “I think I made promises I need to make good on.”

**Author's Note:**

> I regret nothing


End file.
